Don't really know what to title this, oh well.
I apologize before hand as well, this is a long journal, but if you could take the time and read it I'd mean the world to me, I know it's a lot, but it's a lot to explain so it all seems clearer.
I really hate doing things like this, it makes me feel like a mooch and like I don't care about my watchers or appreciate them, which I do, you guys mean the world to me, each comment is much appreciated, each gift art means everything to me, the fact that you guys take the time out of your days to make something for me in hopes to bring me cheer or a smile, and when you guys offer support when I'm down, and art of your characters comforting mine. The long notes elaborating how I'm your idol, and I helped you in some sort of way, be it art, sexuality, break up, self harm, I know I can't do a lot and I can't help a lot, but I want you guys to know I'm there for you as much as you are for me, and I may be slow! But I have a lot of messages daily, and it's hard to get back as quickly as I'd wish, none the less; I just want you guys to know and never forget that I appreciate every one of you, I appreciate the comments, the favorites, the notes, the help, the comfort, the support, everything, and don't let anyone get you down or make you feel bad for supporting someone they don't like.
I guess I just wanted to get that out before the rest of this, that way you guys know you are more than ''helping me out with money issues'' and whatnot, because it's so much more, and you guys are so much more.
Now, this journal isn't for me, but my mother.
She came into my room today and asked for a hug, and as I hugged her she told me she felt like a failure, like she couldn't do everything anymore and she doesn't know what to do. I asked her what she meant, and she said we're behind 6,000$ in rent [our rent is 2,000$ a month incase anyone's wondering] She lost her first job because her boss wants to be a controlling freak and now she is denying my mother commission money [she works at a wedding chapel as a coordinator.] unless she goes down to the chapel, which my mom can't because of a host who has sexual attractions for her and has verbally harassed her and has secretly watched her breast feed my baby sister in the photo room [no one is allowed in there unless showing photos, my mom was granted permission since she couldn't leave the baby at home cause this was soon after she was born and her 6 week was over.]. He has leaned over her and even gone looking for her, he is obsessed with her and my mom has denied going back down there until he is told off for his actions, or fired. She has even tried to contact lawyers, but no ones replying to her.
[She works from home, I should mention, using the chapels email to forward and reply to leads and questions.]
She is working at another chapel at the moment, and we are barely thriving off what she gets there, which is under 1,000 a month. My brother had taking up a job their, because the owner offered 1,000$ a month for working their, plus commission, however he had to work from 10 AM to 7 PM 6 days a week, in this case he'd be making more than he did at his previous job, so he had quit that job to proceed with the other, now the boss has gone back on what she said, she is scolding my brother for not bringing in commissions when her other employee is snatching each one that comes in to help pay off her car, giving my brother no chance, leaving him in a lose lose situation.
My mom is trying to find new homes for our horses. She is giving them away for free but no one is taking them, one person was interested in our half blind camping/trail horse Charlie, but they ditched, and she only wants Star and Peaches [our two mares] to go to female owner, I'll let you figure out why.
She is trying to find homes for our dogs, too, Cookie and Riley, and we'd get rid of most of our cats if they weren't feral or strays that we take care of the best we can because; life is hard.
Anyway, she's struggling, and it hurt so goddamn bad to hold my mom and listen to her call herself a failure and mourn over what she can't do anymore and tell me how scared she is. She did not request I make this journal, in fact she is completely oblivious to it.
I understand this month, being December is not the best month to do something like this considering everyone trying to get gifts for one another, but anything, anything at all would help more than anyone can imagine.
What I want for Christmas is for our rent to be paid, I want food in the house and bills paid and a smile on my moms face, anything. I want my mom to not have to stress anymore, I don't want to hear her call herself a failure and tell me how scared she is that she's not doing good and we're going to lose everything. I want my mom to be able to relax, and I don't want to see her up at 4 AM in the morning anymore taking sleeping pills to force herself to sleep due to her stress. She has been there for me and to support me, in everything, my sexuality, my choices, my passions, etc, now I want to support her, and help her, and show her how much I care and appreciate her.
I apologize dearly that I can't do anything in return, however, with what I can, I will try to send out thank you christmas cards to people who helped out, I might not be able to get to all, but I'll try my best, it's the best I can offer right now, I apologize dearly. I just want my mom to be stress free, for once, I want to help her but I can't do that on my own, I've tried to get jobs to help her out but I never get a call back.
Any money sent will be sent straight to her, and if sent via mail it will be marked in her name and meant for her.
I feel awful for asking for something like this from you guys, but I don't know what else to do, I'm even going to attempt to stand outfront of a store like a bum to get something in, it's bad, but I just want to help my mom, so badly. I don't want to hear those words from her again, and I want her to consent to sleep, and sleep peacefully, not forcefully with the help of pills.
Anything will help, from 50 cents, to just a dollar, to even an advertise. Anything, she needs help so badly and this is the best I can do, I've already offered what I had to her..
If you wan to help, you can send the money via PAYPAL or through the mail in money order or check, or just cash [cash would be easiest]. If you send it through PayPal, I will give you the email address to my mothers PayPal, if you send it via mail, it will be addressed to her. None of this is going to me, so I don't want anyone pulling any ''oh its a trick for hina to mooch'' because it's not, and I know people are going to proclaim such.
I hope this all didn't sound to confusing, and I hope I don't sound like a bad person or a moocher for doing this, but this isn't for me, it's for my mom, and my family.
If you want to help out, please send me a note and we'll further discuss in there, thank you for reading, I'm sorry for the TL;DR, but I felt explaining it would make more sense than just tossing out ''hey we need money help''. Even if you can't send anything, an advertise would help greatly, anything at all will help..
Any rude or disrespectful comments will be hidden, and the user will be blocked, I'm sorry but I don't need anyone trying to start drama or anysuch over this or trying to tell people it's a trick or a mooch when it's not. So if anyone has any negative feelings towards it and trie to insult me or this subject on the matter, will be blocked and your comment hidden. Save your finger pecks.
Thank you for reading, and understanding, and again, I appreciate all of you and everything you do, I hope I don't come off as moochy to any of you, ever. I care for you all, just like you do for me. Honestly..